ABC story about ME!!

Since this was a hit on Facebook - thought I would share it here....

ABC story about ME!!

Aubri is my middle name and

Brianna is my first.

Christopher was my first husband who gave me two beautiful children.

Douglas is my man now, who gave me two more.

Even though we are not yet married,

Forever isn’t an option, it just is.

Gone is a life of verbal and physical abuse and our

Home is now stable and loving.

I never thought my life would be so full of love and laughter.

Jumping back into school feet first was the latest step to a better me.

Keeping up with school, kids, appointments, and activities can be hard but such is

Life at this point in my journey.

Medical Assisting is what I am going to school for and I would love to work in the

Neonatal Intensive Care Unit or

OB Labor and Delivery ward at a hospital. My

Premature daughter inspired me to go back to school in the medical field. The last 2

Quarters I have been on the Dean’s List and that makes me proud of myself. I am

Reminded every day as to why I am putting myself through so much

Stress, it is to make an improved life for my family.

Together we make everything work in an organized, chaotic way. I believe the

Universe has plans for us all; it just takes a little time for each of us to find our own

Virtuous paths to travel. I still

Wonder if I am on the correct course. I could work in the medical office using the

Xerox machine or use my skills in the clinical field caring for babies in a

Yellow nursery. Either way, I know I will find my

Zone.

Forever and a day...

...to update! Not a lot going on. Finished Winter Semester at school and Spring Semester starts up next Monday. GD, can I fucking get more than a 2 week break?!?!?! I so need a break!!!! The fam and I went to MOA and did Nickelodeon Universe and the Underwater Aquarium. That was pretty much stuck in hell with heathens. Seriously, love my kids to death but wow, never taking them there again until Brennan is past Mia's age...unless he decides to not take after her ferocious behavior. We would have been fine, if not for Mia Pia. She runs the show - always - and she was in fine form that weekend! LOL My goodness I love that child but she is a full time job! Bella had a play at school last month. It was called Wackadoo Zoo. Basically, zoo animals that have the wrong "sound"...goat that barks, pigs that moo, etc. It was cute, and this poor little boy started feeling sick and had to go sit down with his parents in the audience. I felt bad for him. Probably nervous as all heck with lots of people there. Bella did excellent. She has fabulous rhythm and looked like the best performer. =) Kept making gestures for her Auntie to take her picture @@ - hello D I V A. Not much else to report, my birthday came and went without incidence. I survived it. I'm 30. HOLLA!

Margarita's and Xanax - Lunch anyone?

I have to say this: the days leading up to my 30th birthday have not been fun. Ok, I HATE change. Cried on my 18th birthday! WHAT?!?!? I don't want to grow up. End of story. But, apparently time is against me so here we are, on the eve of my 30th. I type in the dark, next to my two sleeping beautiful boys, listening to Matthew Sweet's Farther Down, and feeling like Daisy Depression has me wrapped around her finger. I wonder when it was that I lost myself and became this fiercely devoted mama who feels like I have no self worth, except at raising my children and even that is a far stretch in my imagination that I'm not doing it right. I have 4 beautiful babies, how in the hell did I get that lucky? Did the stars align just for that moment of luck? I've never been lucky?!?! Lucky is not being beat by an ex, lucky is not snorting so many drugs that my sinuses surely aren't all intact. Lucky IS finding someone who feels like my partner on this team, lucky is having healthy (for the most part, nothing major) children...why do I feel like I'm lacking in life? I know I'm not exactly where I want to be...I know my romantic relationship is nil at the moment (where the FUCK did THAT go?!) and I feel like I am geared in neutral and just being pushed along through the car wash, while everyone works on the exterior and the interior gets slighted. I'm here..in this world...but I'm lost. Yes, I am lost right now.

:::farther down i'm desperate for you...something...something takes my pain away....

P.S. I'm getting my tarot cards read tomorrow. I might have to update how that goes.

His new thing....

Been a minute.

Lots been going on here at the Sickie McSickerson's. Bella had strep, Mia had strep and RSV - which of course sucked. But, then lil baby Brennan was struck by the germs from germ girls. He was hospitalized with RSV and ear infection, released on Saturday only to be diagnosed with Pneumonia on Sunday. After a switch in medications (Rocephin shots for a couple days) he seems to be in good spirits. Still has an icky cough and not nursing well. I have heard somewhere or been told that a baby gets the majority of his milk in the first 5 minutes he nurses...sooo I am thinking he will be ok. He lets my milk release and gulps it down for a good couple minutes then it's pull and tug and let go, pull and tug and let go. He's a big boy now. 11lbs 2 oz!!!! YAY!!!

Preemies

Did you ever wonder how the mothers of premature babies are chosen? Somehow, I visualize God hovering over Earth, selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As he observes, he instructs his angels to take notes in a giant ledger. "Beth Armstrong, son. Patron Saint, Matthew. Marjorie Forrest, daughter. Patron Saint, Celia. Carrie Rutledge, twins. Patron Saint... give her Gerard. He's used to profanity."Finally, he passes a name to an angel and smiles. "Give her a preemie." The angel is curious. "Why this one, God? She's so happy.""Exactly," smiles God. "Could I give a premature baby a mother who knows no laughter? That would be cruel.""But does she have the patience?" asks the angel."I don't want her to have too much patience, or she'll drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wear off, she'll handle it. I watched her today. She has that sense of self and independence so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I'm going to give her has a world of its own. She has to make it live in her world, and that's not going to be easy. "But Lord, I don't think she even believes in you."God smiles. "No matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just the right amount of selfishness."The angel gasps, "Selfishness?! Is that a virtue?"God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she will never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn't know it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take for granted a spoken word. She will never consider a step ordinary. When her child says 'mama' for the first time, she will be witness to a miracle and know it. I will permit her to see clearly the things I see – ignorance, cruelty, prejudice – and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side." "And what about her Patron Saint?" asks the angel, his pen poised in the air.God smiles. "A mirror will suffice."

Thought for today...

I can rest assured, that those who have hurt me had absolutely no idea of what they were doing and what was really going on.
It never occurred to them that I've become even more magnificent. That they'd be invoking my sympathy, adding to my compassion, and increasing my "sparkles." And it will still be eons before they can grasp that I've actually welcomed them into my life and played their little games for some of these very reasons.

Cute.